ANGELS LEGACY OF FAILURE: THE RETURN

fellas, are we excited?

Man… I’ve been wanting to post this for weeks.

However, it wasn’t until a Tuesday afternoon at the doctor when I felt ready for the update.

YOU KNOW WHY???

AFTER 1 MONTH OF UNCERTAINTY RELATED TO ANTHONY RENDON’S CONTRACT, WE GOT A MUCH NEEDED FINAL UPDATE:

HOW ABOUT HAVING TO DEFER HIS MONEY OVER THE NEXT THREE TO FIVE SEASONS FOR HIM TO NOT PLAY IN 2026???!!!!

HE’S NOT RETIRING YET?

YOU LIKE THAT, ANGELS FANS?!

It was a final middle finger after 6 years of AGONY, PAIN, SUFFERING, AND HORROR.

Over the last 5 years, he only played in 205 of 810 possible games. He spent more times whining at A’s fans or complaining about his little boo boo than living up to his contractual obligations.

Maybe the Hollywood lifestyle wasn’t the problem after all. He was in it for the money and OBVIOUSLY started mailing it in once the big bucks came.

Wasn’t this the guy who said he didn’t like baseball? Did Arte ignore that OBVIOUS red flag?(the answer is yes)

If that wasn’t bad enough, how about the RETURN OF AN ANGELS LEGEND?

He might be washed(5.23 ERA), injured(had a hamstring injury that caused him to miss all of the playoffs), old(39 in April), but you know what?

HE PLAYED 1 GAME WITH THEM IN 2017. TIME TO BRING THE GANG BACK!!!

WELCOME BACK, KIRBY YATES!!!

Like normal, Arte let his emotions prevent him from making any smart baseball decisions. He saw Kirby’s reign of DOMINANCE with the Padres and was worried about missing out again. Maybe you should’ve kept him in 2017, BOZO!!!

MAY THE RETIREMENT TOUR BEGIN.

And if that wasn’t PAINFUL enough, the Angels have found a way to frustrate their fans with their other moves this offseason.

Every single pitcher that they have acquired has been injured(Grayson Rodriguez), old(Drew Pomeranz), trash(Jordan Romano), or a combination of the above(Alek Manoah).

WHAT AN AMAZING WAY TO BUILD A PITCHING STAFF!!! WHY HAVE FUNCTIONALITY WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE WORST PITCHING STAFF IN BASEBALL???

If that wasn’t bad enough, they hired a guy with NO EXPERIENCE in Kurt Suzuki as manager.

YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE HE’S YET ANOTHER ANGELS LEGEND!!!

REMEMBER HIS TWO YEAR STINT AS THE WORST CATCHER IN THE LEAGUE WITH YOU GUYS? DID YOU ENJOY THAT, ANGELS FANS!!!

I HOPE YOU AREN’T TIRED OF HIS INCOMPETENCE, BECAUSE THERE WILL BE MORE!!!

But do you know why they actually hired him? Because he’s the perfect mouthpiece for ANGRY ARTE. He knew that Ron Washington was a well respected baseball guy. He didn’t want anyone to speak out against his REIGN OF TERROR. This move showed Arte’s POWER-HUNGRY nature, which was typical of a greedy Trump-supporting billionaire.

Last but not least, the Angels have been in rumors to make a BIG MOVE in an attempt to increase fan morale.

Like most moves, this new Angels player is old(35 next year), declining(89 wRC+, 0.9 fWAR last year), and overpaid($25.55M on the luxury tax over the next 2 years).

You know what though? HE’S A SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA NATIVE. HE WILL HELP FILL A NEED AT THIRD BASE. WHY NOT BRING HIM HOME.

Angels fans will ask, “Who is this BUM that we are giving up assets for.”

ANGRY ARTE explains, “Nolan Arenado. A future WORLD SERIES CHAMPION. He will bring GLORY back to Anaheim!!!

LOL. I DON’T SEE THAT. Most likely another 72-90 season(and missed playoff appearance) with their “World Series Championship” being a winning record vs the Dodgers. CONGRATULATION!!??

I can’t forget the mandatory innings-eater pitcher that will have a 4.5 ERA(or higher) that they’ll sign later this offseason, RIGHT?

Most importantly, ANGELS LEGACY OF FAILURE is back after a 9 month hiatus!!! I’m sorry for the long break. It took forever to write the first two sections, so I will keep things MUCH shorter for the last 2 sections, which should be out BEFORE the season starts. I’ll do it some time after my NBA draft stuff. Keep your eyes out for this.

I hope that this is a nice relief from all the self improvement content for all of you are seeing right now. Have a great rest of your day everyone.